The secret to dating is... shit I don't know

So I've been in the wonderful city of Austin for about 4 weeks now. I've loving every moment of it. I've been going out to parties, meeting new people, drinking with my friends, studying my ass off, and jumping into bed with a few guys that I probably shouldn't have but then again it was my first few weeks alone I had to experiment.

I have questionable opinions on sex and relationships and its kind of embarrassing because it comes off as trashy when really I just think a lot like a guy and don't tie sleeping with someone to emotions.

"Sex is fun." A quote from said boy-in-bed (or on floor, whatev) just last night. Yeah it is. I don't understand why I've been told my whole life its so bad. I mean yeah if you don't know how to handle yourself you can end up pregnant or with an STD or just emotionally attached to someone. Well I'm sorry, all, but I have no emotional attachments to anyone because of nookie. Not at all. Maybe my first love, but then again it was love. Or was it possibly lust. Honestly I don't know what to tell you. I was so sure it was love until I fell out of it. But anyways thats besides the point. The point is... sex in college and sex for me are the least complicated thing for me right now. It's actually whom I'm doing it with that's confusing. Hello, boy-from-last-night (or should I call you Bootycall because that is now what you've become for me).

Bootycall is the boy (Man? What do we call them these days?) I mentioned that I met at Orientation for school. I had this instant connection with this boy. One of those, you walk-into-a-party-and-the-first-guy-you-see-is-pretty-much-the-only-guy-you-see-the-rest-of-the-party-and-you'd-do-anything-to-talk-to-him-but-you're-just-not-ballsy-(or drunk)-enough-to-go-talk-to-him... Yeah well I was the lucky 1 in 6,000,000 girl to have this guy in the party approach her and strike up a conversation. We hit things off, drinks got to flowing and then I left. I left the party! Why? I don't know. I was an adventurous little upcoming freshman and wanted to see what else was out there in Fratland. Well that lasted all of 10 minutes. I get a call from Bootycall's frat brother who makes my friend and I come back to the party where I just left. I eagerly obliged thinking I'd get to see my boy and dance with him, which I would use to as my gateway to a more sexual approach towards the whole situation (sex just triggers something in a guys mind, hmmm I wonder why.) I arrive and Bootycall was no where to be found. After making out with his friend (whoops, I wonder if he knows about that) and joining some people for an after party upstairs, Bootycall appears again. And where does he sit? On the bed behind me. I, being the drunk player that I think I am, didn't say a single word to him. Oh so sly. And what does he do? Lays down laterally behind me and rubs my back while I'm chatting up a bunch of other guys. OMG. This is internally driving me CRAZY. Moments later I drop the hint to the entire room that I need to get home. Long story short Bootycall jumps to the clutch and walks me. I'm won over. So won over I end up coming back to the party the next night. And then proceed to hang out (ha, hang out... more like... well you know) with him during all of my free time at Orientation.

So things are going well right? I come to school in the fall ready to get this relationship going and text him and try to see him, of course all while playing it cool.... One day I finally decided to drop by his house (the frat house), upon being asked so by him, and say hi. We talked for a while, he feebly attempted to convince me to stay the night with him but I politely denied the request. And then... he kissed me good night! The sweetest, tenderest kiss I've ever experienced. Oh how I melted. (Have I mentioned that this guy is beautiful? I mean, if you don't think so then your retarded. He's charming, smart, and smooth-talking, boy do I love them smart, cute, smooth-talking charmers. Fuck, I'm screwed.) Well we go days without speaking. Like we always do. I have the fear he's met some other cute girl that's way more awesome and way more sexy and way more fun...

I get a call to come to a frat party at their house one night (from Booty). I start to think that I'm becoming HIS potential bootycall, but don't really seem to care or notice (well I pretended I didn't). Honestly, I probably use him just as much as he uses me, but, oh damn! its so hot so who cares. I'd love to lock that shit down though. For real. Anyways, I go, and stay. The night. He walks me home the next morning on the way to class and I'm a giddy little 7 year old with a playground crush. Except for more heavy petting and talking goes on (well, not much talking).

Blah blah blah. A text here a text there, but then 3 weeks after last event of contact, I become ballsy and text him. You know the usual, "Hey what have you been up to I haven't seen you in forever", and the response? Generic. "I've been really busy with school and studying. Where have you been? Long time no see." This goes on. Actually it becomes oddly sexual and then it ends. The next day I receive a text from him that says, "Want to bang?". Thinking it's some immature joke I respond with, "That's real mature". And it was him he was just like, "Sorry I'm bored in class and thought about you so I thought I'd text you and try to spice up my day." Spice it up he did. We had a in depth conversation about when and where we were going to hook up that night. Of course Drunk-ass forgets to call after his test and goes to a bar instead of to Pleasuretown. Dumbdumb. So I send a text that has undertones of naughtiness in it, just like most other texts to him (maybe that's why we don't have an actual relationship. I'm too horny for this guy for my own good. He's just so amazingly hot, though, I can't help it): "So much for that study break..." Wink wink. Study break? Yeah right. More like I'm too horny to study anymore, come over. We have a dirty little exchange that ended somewhere around the point where I said, "Get your ass over here". Turns out. Shower sex. Then floor of shower sex. Then floor of hallway sex. I have bruises all up and down my spine now, and on my knees. Worth it? Totally. But now I have a beautiful boy named Bootycall that I need to put on a Love Lockdown and don't really know how. I mean, he invites me to parties, he makes an effort to see me. I just have this incredible crush on him and an irrestible urge to devour him everytime I see him. He remembers everything I tell him about myself (not so much about anything I say about others. He called my roommate, Vanessa, Savannah. No dumbass. Listen. But anyways). He's just a nice, smart, dark, tall, handsome, smooth guy that I have an incredible attraction to. I come close to calling him perfect. My roommate thinks I'm crazy but I've never had this wild of a crush on someone since the day I met the first (and only) guy I've ever loved.

I don't know what to do. I'm coming close to saying to him, "Booty, you're a steamy, hot piece of ass and I want it to be mine. I'm locking your shit down. Get your ass over to my place right now. Btw your new nickname is Bee Eff." (B.F.? Ick I know but come on.) But I think that might be too raunchy for what I truly want in the end out of this. Truly, honestly, I think I could end up falling for this guy, I'd just rather it be while we're exclusive, not while were drunkenly calling each other in the middle of the night for one another to wander to each other's places. Oh what to do? For now, wait it out and pray to God it doesn't turn out sticky.

Who said that sex leads to emotional attachment. It's the attraction that proceeds and succeeds sex that causes emotional attachment. I'm screwed.

P.S. In response to my last blog where I said fuck relationships... yeah, I still feel that way but I really want one. Sad face.